Dear Dale and McQ QandO Management:
We need to talk.
My blog is worth $576,959.88.How much is your blog worth?
I ain’t seen a dime of that money!
Michael J. Wade, putative Union Rep. of Local Bloggers Union # 3733
Come on, Michael. Everyone knows you don’t blog for the money. You do it for the hot chick groupies.
I have not seen a dime of those hot chick groupies!
Good afternoon. In my years as a blogger at QandO, I have tried to hold myself to a high standard. So it is with the deepest embarrassment that I admit that I have been embezzling every dime of the hot chick groupies that naturally come with being a blogger. I gave in to my most base desires, and I will have to come to terms with what I have done. It will be a long, hard, and undoubtedly exhausting ordeal.
Although I know I cannot excuse myself from my actions, I feel compelled to remind my cobloggers and those who looked to me as a role model that I, too, am a victim. The temptations associated with blogging have proven too great for so many of its stars, and I am humbled to realize that I have become another statistic. With assistance from the federal government, I feel strongly that I can overcome these challenges in a foreseeable future.
I know that no apology could possibly suffice to atone for what I’ve done, but if it’s any consolation to my fellow bloggers, my selfish monopolizing of blogging-related debauchery has probably saved you from a great deal of domestic trouble. Therefore I will not even attempt to compensate the aggrieved parties for my actions.
It’s actually a toxic asset – why do you think we applied for TARP money?
Well that explains why I haven’t seen the hot chick groupies … yeah, that’s it.
We’re reviewing your donations to um, uh, critical economic entities in the last election cycles.
Once we’ve reviewed that we’ll be able to determine whether or not you are eligible for increased funding.
Your friends in the Congressional Budget committee.
I understand your plight Michael, I’m from the union and we’re here to help you…
However, Mr. Wade, we have taken the liberty of checking our records, and we found that you have failed not only to pay your union dues for several years, but that you have also failed to properly vote for Democrats…
We are afraid that until such time as both of these errors have been corrected, we can not help you in any way…