Free Markets, Free People

And Now, The Diplomatic Pirate Solution

One of the things that seems peculiar to the left is the belief that diplomacy is the solution to everything. While I prefer that problems that are conducive to being solved by diplomacy receive the full diplomatic treatment, there are some problems, at least as they are defined, which don’t have a diplomatic solution.

That category would most likely include pirates in a failed state. That, however, is apparently not going to deter our new Secretary of State. Fresh from presenting a red “overcharge” “reset” button to the Russians and assuring the Chinese not to worry about us stressing those pesky human rights violations, Hillary Clinton has decided she’ll solve the Somali pirate problem – diplomatically.

Says Clinton:

“We need to bring 21st-century solutions to bear,” she said.

Her 21st solutions include:

Clinton said it may be possible to stop boat-building companies from doing business with the pirates.

Hmmm. Now I may be mistaken here but I was under the impression pirates were pretty well known for hijacking boats, not paying for them.

One element of her initiative, she said, is to “explore ways to track and freeze pirate assets.”

Again, I may be way off base here, but I was under the impression pirate ransom was paid in big, old, whopping bags of cash dropped on the deck of the ship from helicopters. I’m not sure how she plans on tracking, much less freezing that cash as I’m pretty sure the pirates most likely don’t seek out or use banks.

And her third 21st century solution? The good old 19th century meeting, talking and coordinating event:

The other element of the initiative include calling for immediate meetings of an international counterpiracy task force to expand naval coordination against pirates. She said federal agencies would meet Friday to review the problem and consider potential responses.

Yessiree, I feel all 21st century about these initiatives, if you define 21st century solutions as those which address problems they don’t seem to understand with “solutions” which don’t address them at all.

Oh wait, one more sure fire 21st century solution:

The administration plans to send an envoy to a Somali donors conference scheduled for next week in Brussels and will attempt to organize meetings with officials of Somalia’s transitional government as well as regional leaders in its semiautonomous Puntland.

Because that government and those regional leaders have been so successful in keeping piracy under control to this point.

So, let’s review – keep boat companies from doing business with pirates, track and freeze the pirate cash assets, talk amongst themselves and talk to powerless Somali leaders/government.

Impressive. [/sarc]


[HT: Scott Jacobs]

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13 Responses to And Now, The Diplomatic Pirate Solution

  • “Clinton said it may be possible to stop boat-building companies from doing business with the pirates.”

    …I heard over 90% of these boats used by pirates are from America. We need a pirate boat ban.

  • Yes we should stop printing money and making bags to put it in too.  Yeah, tha’ll do it.

  • 21st century solutions?  21st century liberal fantasy sounds more like it.

  • Twenty first century schizoid (wo)man.

    This is a stunningly clueless response from our supposedly savvy Hillary, but not terribly surprising in the grand pageant of liberal solutions to terrorism.  The general liberal rules are: 

    1)  Terrorists can be negotiated with
    2)  Terrorists are interested in negotiating in the first place
    3)  Terrorists are simply people who will change their minds if cajoled properly

    All of these are demonstrably false.  They are, to employ Mark Steyn’s term, part of the polite fictions of the 09/10/01 world.  Yet folks like Hillary! will never, in the foreseeable future, learn this lesson.

  • First thing we need to do is convince boat builders to stop selling their boats to Egyptian fishermen.
    If the refuse, we can embargo the boat builders AND the Egyptians for buying them. 

    That will successfully almost certainly maybe cut off the supply of Egyptian originated ‘mother ships’ the pirates can use. 

    It is, slightly, possible we may have to prevent other countries that border the Gulf and Aden and perhaps the Indian ocean from fishing in those waters as well. 

    I feel confident my plan will work as well, or possibly better, maybe almost certainly, than Clinton’s plan.

  • Once you pay the Dane-geld, you cannot get rid of the Dane.

    Solution: Pirate. Yardarm. Rope.  Some assembly required.

  • There is a plan.  Obama’s deficits will make the dollar worthless, and the pirates will seek out other prey.

    What could go wrong?

  • It’s clear that you do not appreciate the brilliance of this new strategy. First, we pay the pirate ransom with credit cards, or perhaps frequent-flyer miles. The latter are preferable, because the pirate crews would be unable to properly coordinate their vacation schedules, throwing their entire operation into disarray and inciting bitter arguments about the best travel destinations. But if they eventually get wise and only accept credit cards, the Treasury will simply order the issuing banks to raise their interest charges until the pirates are bankrupted by crushing debt and forced to hire lawyers to negotiate the cardholder agreements.

    Either way, when they fail to report this taxable income and submit the proper paperwork to comply with the new 90% Freelance Marine Acquisition Specialist tax, we strike with our secret weapon: IRS audits. As every history buff knows, Blackbeard was finally jailed not for piracy or pillaging or murder, but for income tax evasion. Furthermore, having now show such dangerously seditious  tax-evading, right-wing tendencies the DHS will include them in their next security report, and then act on clear Clinton-era precedent to burn and bulldoze their pirate militia compounds. The pirates will thus be left peniless refugees in their own land, invited to live in the US, and will make amends to our nation by becoming a valuable political constituency. Everyone wins. Violence is not the answer.

  • 21st century solution.

    Tax the pirates! Raise taxes on Piracy so high that it puts outs them out of bussness….  90% or more

    That seems to be the Obama administrations 21st century plan for the US doesn’t it?

  • Wait wait!  We need to pass legislation to force the companies that make them stop making “Pirate” boats. 
    I feel certain we can limit the amount of fuel, the size of the engine, the structure of the prow and the stern, etc to curtail the chance pirates will be able to use these boats for piracy.

    And we can create an international data base of boat purchaser’s, and establish a 30 day waiting period for getting your boat.
    We can also mandate rules about getting the proper paperwork filed when selling or buying second hand boats at boat shows.

  • The economic stimulus money will evaporated in the state government bureaucracies before it will ever reach the politically promoted target of average Americans and job growth. Taxes need to be slashed a long with alot of spending, regulation and size of government.  This monopoly money that has printed will create a vicious cycle of cause-and-effect tax and spend economic scenairo by removing eyes from the vexing dilmena: What will Obama do next year for an encore? Taxes are not the part of the economic crisis that needs attention as much as spending; because when the US does come out of this economic era it will a non-material recovery.

    Danny L. McDaniel
    Lafayette, Indiana

  • Maybe we just need to build lots of basketball courts over there.  You know: like the old “midnight basketball program”?  If we give these misguided kids something better to do than piracy, they’ll be glad to do it.

    / sarc

    I’m with JamesT: hang pirates when caught.  Eventually, no more pirates.