Free Markets, Free People

Stimulus Funds For Mapping Radioactive Rabbit Feces

I‘m not kidding.  So says none other than the New York Times:

A Week Mapping Radioactive Rabbit Feces With Detectors Mounted On A Helicopter Flying 50 Feet Over The Desert Scrub. … $300,000 In Federal Stimulus Money.” … “A government contractor at Hanford, in south-central Washington State, just spent a week mapping radioactive rabbit feces with detectors mounted on a helicopter flying 50 feet over the desert scrub. … the helicopter flights, which covered 13.7 square miles and were paid for with $300,000 in federal stimulus money, took place in an area that had never been used by the bomb makers. … Marylia Kelley, the executive director of a California group called Tri-Valley Communities Against a Radioactive Environment, said the rabbit cleanup was ‘kind of funny, in a sick way.”

A great way to stimulate the economy, no?


Well how about this:

“President Obama’s Stimulus Plan… Is Now Paying Americans To Buy That Great Necessity Of Modern Life, The Golf Cart.”…“Thanks to the federal tax credit to buy high-mileage cars that was part of President Obama’s stimulus plan, Uncle Sam is now paying Americans to buy that great necessity of modern life, the golf cart. The federal credit provides from $4,200 to $5,500 for the purchase of an electric vehicle, and when it is combined with similar incentive plans in many states the tax credits can pay for nearly the entire cost of a golf cart.”

Let’s not forget that our president is a great fan of golf afterall. What better way can you think to stimulate the economy?

Oh, how about this?

“The other third of the stimulus, government infrastructure spending, has been the most controversial from the start. Some proposals have been criticized as wasteful, Such as a $6 million snowmaking facility in Duluth, Minn.”

A snowmaking facility in Duluth, MN – the 15th “snowiest” city in America. Why that’s a perfect way to stimulate the economy.

But if that doesn’t resonate, there’s this:

“A big chunk of the money that will pay for a new spring-training baseball complex on Ttribal land in the East Valley will be delivered via a financing program that’s part of the Federal Economic-Stimulus Plan. The Salt River Pima-Maricopa Indian Community says it may borrow as much as $30 million of the estimated cost of the $100 million complex near Scottsdale that will become the spring home of the Arizona Diamondbacks and the Colorado Rockies.”

Because, of course, MLB is going broke.

You can read the whole disgusting list here.

Wasn’t Joe Biden going to police this?

Oh wait, I forgot – he and John Kerry are preoccupied deciding our new strategy in Afghanistan.

Yeah, nothing can go wrong with that, can it?



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10 Responses to Stimulus Funds For Mapping Radioactive Rabbit Feces

  • Well, you wouldn’t want them mapping radioactive bull feces because you know where it would be mapped back to.

  • Here’s my question:



    And how do I get in on this gravy train?

  • I say with confidence that ITS A LOAD OF SH*T!

  • I think economic stimulus plans, if they are to be used at all, should be developed as contingency plans – you know, like what if we have to invade Canada.
    They should be kept very simple – and build things that are useful, or will become useful. Say, have 100 nuclear power plants pre-approved. “shovel ready” and then if you need a stimulus, start building them immediately. Start with 50. You need some more oomph – add 10 more. I’m sure there could be other quasi-no-brainer spending items as well. I mean hell, if we are going to waste money on subsidies to solar power, why not prepare to roll out some solar power farms for the next stimulus (again, must be planned, not done ad hoc, and hopefully projects that might be losers due to capital investment but not losers in terms of long-running annual losses ala High Speed Rail.)
    The second rule, should be if we want any non-planned stimulus, it has to be off-the-shelf defense items. You know, like buying a bunch of US made helicopters and simply giving them to European armies so they can help out more in Afghanistan. Or building another wing of fighters and mothball them. Sure its expensive, but the goal is pump money out, and defense spending has the BEST multiplier. Plus, you never know when you might need some jets – or you can sell ’em to whoever. (Do you think Obama will sell weapons to Taiwan? I bet he doesn’t – it would only create American jobs and protect democracy – that’s a twofer for him to oppose.) If you think F-22s are too expensive – then use the old tooling and crank out 200 more F-16s, because quantity does have a quality all of its own. Or go Switzerland, and make M-16s for every household. You know, Wolverine remake is coming and all.
    or you could just cut taxes – but doesn’t that sound boring? I mean, who enters politics to sit around and let you make your own decisions.

  • ” a $6 million snowmaking facility in Duluth, Minn.”

    I think you have forgotten about global warming, which will make natural snow extinct. This replacement artificial snow will save the jobs of thousands of snow plowers and salt spreaders, not to mention auto body shop workers and car washes.

  • Yeah, go ahead, laugh.  This is all being caused by man ya know – radioactive rabbit turds, Godzilla, pretty soon THIS is happening all the time, and giant radioactive rabbits are pooping in your garden after they’ve eaten your house!
    If it weren’t for President Imeme’s stimulas plan, we would be completely unprepared to fight this menace!  As it is now, we’ll be able to start developing eco-green giant skillets for the batches of giant Hassenpfeffer that will help remake our economy and make us world leaders (LEADERS I tell you!) in dealing with giant radioactive rabbits.

    • It has already <a href=””>happened</a> and it is worse than you think.

      • My Safari no workee.  Grumble grumble.  Anywho, that there is a clip from Night of the Lepus which is really stupid unless the viewer has been smoking illicit substances.

  • I for one welcome our lagomorph overlords.