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Third world debating society elects itself world’s envoy in case of alien contact

Because we all know that ET would much prefer to speak with an “obscure Malaysian astrophysicist”, for sure:

THE United Nations was set today to appoint an obscure Malaysian astrophysicist to act as Earth’s first contact for any aliens that may come visiting.

Mazlan Othman, the head of the UN’s little-known Office for Outer Space Affairs (Unoosa), is to describe her potential new role next week at a scientific conference at the Royal Society’s Kavli conference centre in Buckinghamshire.

She is scheduled to tell delegates that the recent discovery of hundreds of planets around other stars has made the detection of extraterrestrial life more likely than ever before – and that means the UN must be ready to coordinate humanity’s response to any “first contact”.

You’ve got to love the UN deciding to glom on to this.  Hey, another reason to increase dues. 

Can you imagine a worse institution to have represent humanity than the UN?  And frankly, if intelligent aliens ever turned up here and were first greeted by representatives of the UN, my guess is we’d be a cinder fairly quickly after that, being deemed by the aliens as not intelligent enough to warrant further survival. 

However, in Dr. Othman’s case, I have to profess some admiration.  She certainly has established herself in a secure job for, well, millennia if she can figure out how to stay alive that long.

And yes folks, your tax dollars, in the form of UN dues, will indeed go toward paying for her new duties.

Live long and prosper.



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12 Responses to Third world debating society elects itself world’s envoy in case of alien contact

  • Hopefully, any visitor from space will be bright enough and have enough good faith to continue the search for intelligent life beyond the UN.  If not…we’re doomed.

    • Even in the 1951 film, The Day the Earth Stood Still, the visiting alien, Klaatu, knew enough to avoid the UN.

      • Mr. Neo,
         And if you recall Klatuu refused to meet with any one leader individually. He did seek out a scientist, and wished an audience with all the worlds’ leaders. Now that may not be an endorsement of the UN but where else could he have had said audience?
         As an aside, the 1951 movie was so much better than the 2008 version.

  • Just like in the movies .. Close Encounters of the Third Kind or Night of the Living Trekkies

  • Why an astrophysicist? I would think that any aliens who could travel to earth would already have a pretty fair grasp of astrophysics. On the other hand, it is  certainly preferable to having one of the UN’s career bureaucrats do it.

    • He [Stephen Hawking] concludes that trying to make contact with alien races is “a little too risky”. He said: “If aliens ever visit us, I think the outcome would be much as when Christopher Columbus first landed in America, which didn’t turn out very well for the Native Americans.”

      “Why an astrophysicist?” What ? Risk a politician ?

      • One point: the English colonists at Jamestown (founded 1607) were under orders to treat the indians fairly and build good ties. They tried, and in 1622 were rewarded by a surprise attack in which the local indians tried to wipe them all out, in many cases taking advantage of English hospitality allowing them into settler’s homes. The broader reality is that peaceful coexistance between indians and English probably wasn’t possible.

        Any space aliens would be much more alien to us than the English were to the indians. Something to think about. The flip side is that our reason/science based culture might handle the greater differences better than the indians hendled the mild differences. But I wouldn’t bet on it.

  • This seems so awesome and random at the same time. Are we expecting visitors soon, or some communication to be released!?!?

  • In the book First Contract, the aliens will only deal with the UN. They did this on purpose as they want to buy Jupiter from us in return for technology and the UN leaders are stupid enough to allow it. The UN leaders who are all from the 3rd world get so excited about ‘controlling’ the technology and parcelling it out they immediately agree to sign over Jupiter.