I wouldn’t change a thing.
This is really unfair. Because it so truthfully describes Obama and the Collective.
If I wanted America to fail, which of course I don’t because I’m so moral and such a good person, then I’d stop indoctrinating, um, sorry, educating the next generation on why lots of government is just wonderful, and how climate change deniers are sterile, inbred, Goebbels-like people who want to hurt my children.
I’d stop teaching them about the wonders of post-modernism, and let them be seduced to the dark side by dense righties, who would tell them of all these ridiculous “natural rights” which don’t exist because we’re just carbon-based forms of life that can make up any rights stuff we want. I’d also stop teaching them about how there is a moral right to healthcare. Which is not the least bit contradictory. Stop laughing.
I would stop assigning them to read deep thinkers like Tom Friedman. Then they would probably be reading shallow, silly stuff like Milton Friedman.
I would take a job somewhere managing a pizza joint, since if I left academia that’s the only thing on my resume that would get me a job. I’d leave off the part about stealing pizzas, of course.
I would stop writing blog posts that find deep philosophical meaning in pop lyrics from the 1980s. I would also stop writing posts with deep, creamy analysis, based on charts that I produce with Excel’s charting wizard, containing numbers that are not either contradictory and statistically invalid, so stop saying that.
I would stop writing deep analytical books about Germany and how they are so, so much better than us. Just think what fallout that would have. The 16 or 17 people that would read those books would be deprived of my godlike powers of political science.
I would stop coming here and commenting. Which I don’t do for my own sake, no sir. I don’t either do it to bolster my own sense of self-worth after a day of dodging moose on the way to and from work at my little, backwoods, inconsequential college that doesn’t even grant PhDs. No, I do it to help save America, by having fun irritating thick righties, which is not psychologically sick, so stop saying that too. And how irritating people by handwaving away arguments is something that works to save America is a deep concept that I can’t possibly explain right now. But you’ll eventually get it. By being pragmatic, like me. Watch and learn.
Finally, I would stop cleaning out those magenta caterpillars with Sarah Palin’s face, naughty librarian glasses, and amble bosom from my basement. They would just take over. And that would truly be the end of America.
@Ott Scerb That bit about stealing pizzas? Yeah, you need to send me some screen cleaner because of that Ott, my drug laced Libyan Nescafe Decaf needs to be cleaned off the flat screen now as a result of that line.
@Ott Scerb Speaking of Palin images you’d have trouble shaking…imagine that with flame and a suckling pig…http://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2012/04/chicago-art-museum-opens-giant-screaming-palin-head-garden-exhibit/
How many moose attend college with you and why do you collect caterpillars for your basement? Anyway…I can tell you very much enjoy writing and entertaining yourself with it. Like you, I like pizza…just not enough to steal it. Good luck in school and in any future career! I would leave “pizza thief” off the resume though.
If I wanted America to fail I would vote for Mr. Obama.