Free Markets, Free People

“Pawternity” leave the next goal of the entitled generation

It seems, this week, that I’m all about proving Shark’s point that “every time I think we’ve reached peak stupid, something new comes along to prove me wrong.”  Well here you go, Shark, the shot:

Bringing my adopted cat, Jameson, home with me in 2014 was one of the happiest days of my life.

Having to go back to work two days later was one of the worst.

While the rest of the country is hung up on the necessity of maternity leave — or even the newly coined “meternity” — one group continues to be overlooked when it comes to paid time off from work: new pet owners.

“Paw-ternity” leave is already a reality in the UK — the US pet-insurance provider Petplan found that nearly 5 percent of new pet owners in the UK were offered time off to care for their four-legged kids. (Not surprisingly, the UK is also light-years ahead of the US when it comes to maternity leave, offering up to 39 weeks of paid leave for new mothers.)

It’s time for the US to hop aboard the “paw-ternity” train. It’s not just because I want to stay home and cuddle on the couch with my new feline (which I do). When I adopted Jameson, he was 6 years old and had spent the previous year of his life in an animal shelter. He was suffering from several health problems after being neglected by his previous owner — and was skittish, nervous and uncertain about why he was suddenly being transported to a strange new home.

And the chaser:

Many pet experts agree that new pet owners should try their best to clear their schedule for the first few days following a new animal’s arrival. Not only can pets benefit from the comfort of being cared for by a loving parent after spending time in an animal shelter, but they require attention to be properly housebroken and trained so they don’t become a public nuisance.

Dear silly young woman who seems to think her choices should be paid for by others.  If you want to stay home with your new pet, companies have a thing called “vacation days.” You might have heard of them.  That’s right, you’re paid and everything.  And it isn’t like you can’t plan this sort of thing out.  You know, “hey, I have 10 days of vacation saved and I want a new pet – perfect, I’ll take vacation and stay home with it”.   Then you can housebreak the little nipper and prevent it from becoming a public nuisance at the same time.  See how that works?

What doesn’t work is this sort of demand that others take up the slack and pay your for time off just because you’ve made a choice that has absolutely nothing to do with them or your work.

But we all know the real bottom line here.  The equating of pets with children gives the entrée into demanding the same sort of treatment that new mothers get.  Because, you know, going to the pet store and pointing to a cat in a cage is just the same as carrying a baby for 9 months and then bearing the child.  So let’s face the truth.  You want time with your pet but you don’t want to spend your vacation days to do that.

What does that make you?  Well mostly a spoiled and entitled child who will one day live in a ramshackle house with 100 cats, living on a pittance of Social Security (because you had difficulty holding on to work) and rail against the world for not giving you the time you demanded when you only had one.


17 Responses to “Pawternity” leave the next goal of the entitled generation

  • Under this new genius plan, would her boss be out of line to expect her to provide proof she was home with kitty instead of heading off with her significant other, Kit, to the Catskills for a few days?

    See how enlightened I’ve become!
    I didn’t say Kit had to be her boyfriend! perhaps she’s a she, or a male who thinks he’s a woman, or a lion trapped in the body of a human, or a bag of Whisker Lickin Chicken cat treats.

  • Every time I see one of these stupid theories, this song keeps running through my head.

      • One of reasons I stopped opposing the “let it burn” crowd is that if we’re going to have the meltdown, the fewer of these entitled millennials we have, and the more people who understand that potatoes don’t grow in the back room of the grocery store, the easier and sooner the disaster will be handled.

        I can easily envision resolutions of our current mess(es) in which these entitled idiots die by the million. They’ll never understand why those who were ready and prepared for the mess can’t and won’t take care of an unlimited supply of entitled idiots.

        • Silly willy, the potatoes don’t grow in the back room! That’s where the Mushrooms grow!
          The potatoes and whole wheat macaroni grow up on the roof next to the solar panels, just down the way from the arugula!

          • They wouldn’t eat whole wheat macaroni, it has gluten in it, not to mention all the processed ingredients in that cheese powder. They’re looking for locally sourced, gluten free, organic, free range vegi-pasta that wasn’t grown, produced or packaged by “exploited” workers, by which they mean it is produced by a ethnically diverse commune of LGBTQIAPK sensitive workers making no less than a $23/hour living wage.

          • Crap – so, what you’re saying is I have to climb up the ladder to the roof now, dig up all the pasta plants and replace them with some crop that I can grow in the store, because I don’t have any of the gluten free plants, and there are no commune workers here.

            I told Billy this wasn’t going to work – the climate here is really wrong for macaroni, gluten free or not.

        • They know how they grow. They will vote to end the oppression of the potato-have-nots and take the potatos from potato-haves.

          They operate in borderline mobs on calm days. Hate to see what they do when they’re hungry.

          I think I’m going gun shopping in the near future before the guns are too smart for me.

  • So if I have a kid, a pet and need some me time, between ma/me/pawternity leave i can get by working about 10 days a year once you factor in holidays, sick leave, vacation days.

    Where do I sign??!

    • I believe you’re looking for a position in the French government.

      • Or any government that believes in make-work by mandating no overtime (including voluntary), extra vacation days and narrow job scopes.

  • That’s the thing about stupid. There is no limit

    • And that’s why we need more laws!
      Because if we pass more laws, we can stop the stupid!

  • When I was working at Amazon, I could bring my Rotweiler pup, Logan to work with me. Good times, dogs in the office really made everyone happier.
    They also scared the skittish, so double bonus.

  • I have a cat that is 84 cat-years old.
    Can I expect feline social security ?
    My cat is also effectively deaf, so can he get disability?

    • Depends on whether or not he’s a veteran.
      If he is, no, he pretty much can’t get anything except maybe put on a waiting list.

      If you can get him out of the country, and then have him sneak back in as a gato de America del sur you can get all kinds of stuff for him though.