Good afternoon.  In my years as a blogger at QandO, I have tried to hold myself to a high standard.  So it is with the deepest embarrassment that I admit that I have been embezzling every dime of the hot chick groupies that naturally come with being a blogger.  I gave in to my most base desires, and I will have to come to terms with what I have done.  It will be a long, hard, and undoubtedly exhausting ordeal.

Although I know I cannot excuse myself from my actions, I feel compelled to remind my cobloggers and those who looked to me as a role model that I, too, am a victim.  The temptations associated with blogging have proven too great for so many of its stars, and I am humbled to realize that I have become another statistic. With assistance from the federal government, I feel strongly that I can overcome these challenges in a foreseeable future.

I know that no apology could possibly suffice to atone for what I’ve done, but if it’s any consolation to my fellow bloggers, my selfish monopolizing of blogging-related debauchery has probably saved you from a great deal of domestic trouble.   Therefore I will not even attempt to compensate the aggrieved parties for my actions.