There are over 7 million patents registered in the United States, a great number of which describe practical inventions designed for use by everyday, ordinary human beings. Then there’s the “guy” stuff, ideas so lunkheaded and irrational they could only have come from that tiny portion of a guy’s brain not dedicated to scratching himself.
The following inventions have received actual patents from the United States government – proof positive that heavy drinking is not being discouraged at the patent and trademark office. The illustrations are those submitted by the inventors themselves, whose surnames have been withheld as an act of mercy.
Such as:
The principle is simple – two guys, disguised in a cow suit, amble out into an open field, conducting themselves in a cow-like manner (the guy in back may find ambling a bit difficult due to the placement of the udder). When the moment is right, the courageous sportsmen burst from various secret cow openings and blast away to their hearts’ content. As an aside, should the hunter in front wish to play a tremendously humorous prank on the hunter in the rear, he can amble seductively into the holding pen of Farmer Johnsons prize Brahma bull.
One hopes the thing is armor-plated for those unfortunate times when hunting season and beer season coincide.
Dark Roasted Blend:
There are over 7 million patents registered in the United States, a great number of which describe practical inventions designed for use by everyday, ordinary human beings. Then there's the "guy" stuff, ideas so lunkheaded and irrational they could only have come from that tiny portion of a guy's brain not dedicated [...]
ritish think tanks, by contrast, generally eke out a subsistence existence in pokey offices, living hand to mouth, never quite sure not just what the future holds, but where the next pound is coming from. Rather than being permanent institutions, they are generally very ephemeral, prisoners of political fashion, enjoying 15 minutes of fame…
Stop The Presses!
Forget your Burmas; piss off, you whining Chinese quake victims! We’ve got real news here: Barack Obama called a woman “sweetie”!
Clearly, it was inappropriate for Obama to address the female reporter as “Sweetie.” This trivializes her professional status and causes her colleagues to make “kissy-face” noises behind her back in the staff lunchroom.
Instead, he should have used one of the honorifics that women have earned by bringing their gentle, nurturing sensibilities to newsrooms far and wide:
Bitch. Barracuda. Shark.
(If you don’t believe me, ask anyone who’s worked in the business.)
It’s somewhat reminiscent of something someone (I forget who, or in what context, so this quotation is approximate) said a few years ago:
“You have to remember, they [the Washington press corps] are probably the most cynical, hardbitten, foul-mouthed, hard-drinking group of people in America.
(beat)
“And the men are even worse.”
Judging by the reaction, he left off one critical adjective: “Humourless.”
This story broke my heart. As the son of a Baptist minister, I can attest that Wright is and was an extreme aberration from how the overwhelming majority of black Christians worship. In church, black people hear about Peter, Paul, Mary, and how to get into heaven. How to forgive. How to love. Not how to vote.
Watch out, the Gestapo are about | Eamonn Butler - Times On
“Your town, your street, your home. It’s all in our database.” The official voice is calm and patronising: “It’s impossible to hide,” we are reminded. There is a knock on the door. Our palms sweat. Everything fades to black.
You might have noticed that I am not being as prolific as I am normally of late. That is because one of the side-affects of the chemo is that the end of my fingers (and toes) are pretty sensitive and prone to cracking/bleeding. Not that it has curtailed that much of my writing as Kim does quite a mean taking dictation. She is able to turn my ramblings into the written word with great aplomb. As a result I am writing a bit less but doing a bit more reviewing.
My transformation into werewolf continues nicely with much of my face now covered with very black and thick hair. Its not soft peach fuzz either, but stiff hair you would find on a dog’s face. They tell me it all goes away once I finish chemo. Shedding this lot will be interesting to experience.
It has inspired some lyrics…
Chemo Wolf
She called me a Full Moon Man
But does she see Im a hairy man
As Zevon sang
Werewolves of London
Are at it again
Trader Vics and all that Jazz
Lee Ho Fooks and all that rocks
Hair on my face
Clear skin not a trace
The Moon is calling me
Calling me to run free
Im a chemo wolf
The poison drew me out
Hair is my proof
A Chemo wolf
My abject latency
Is now in acendancy
Yeah my ole latency
Out of dormancy
Having voted on the 1st May you will have seen the confusion at the ballot box as voters were faced with three ballot papers, each offering a separate voting system. We saw the problems a similarly confusing system brought at the elections in Scotland last May.
Senator Barack Obama’s credibility gap resulting from his policies and disturbing pattern of association with anti-Semitic, anti-Israel, and anti-American friends and advisers is raising alarm throughout the Jewish community.
