Via Ace and Bill, here is a clickbait article by some metrosexual pantywaist who purports to tell us all what modern men are like. He intends it to be funny – I think. It’s hard to tell with pathetic beta males. But I think he means most of the advice to be taken seriously even though he’s trying for a humorous presentation.
It’s as pathetic and unfunny as you would expect. I wondered if every single item on his list needed to be eviscerated, and just about every one did. So herewith I recount his items, and for each my own item about what a real man is like compared to this dipwad’s “modern man”.
1. When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse, he doesn’t have to ask her sister for the size. And he knows which brands run big or small.
The real man knows better than to buy shoes for his spouse. He’ll never be able to ensure a good fit. Instead, he takes care of the household well enough that she knows she can buy shoes whenever she wants or needs to. He’s got better things to do than study the sizing proclivities of two dozen brands of women’s shoes.
2. The modern man never lets other people know when his confidence has sunk. He acts as if everything is going swimmingly until it is.
The real man never lets other people know when his confidence has sunk, because it never does. He believes in himself. Temporary setbacks don’t change that.
3. The modern man is considerate. At the movie theater, he won’t munch down a mouthful of popcorn during a quiet moment. He waits for some ruckus.
The real man is considerate, because gentlemen have had that characteristic for centuries. Which means he knows better than to put a whole mouthful of popcorn in his mouth at once like some heathen savage or six year old.
4. The modern man doesn’t cut the fatty or charred bits off his fillet. Every bite of steak is a privilege, and it all goes down the hatch.
The real man knows enough about steak to know several things. First, it’s properly spelled “filet”, and the pathetic betas in the NYT editorial department should have known that. Second, a filet has almost no fat so it’s not necessary to trim around it. Third, a real man knows enough about cooking a filet not to char it.
5. The modern man won’t blow 10 minutes of his life looking for the best parking spot. He finds a reasonable one and puts his car between the lines.
The real man knows that where you park isn’t really important enough to think about very much, and that there are literally a thousand other things that say a lot more about whether he’s a real man.
6. Before the modern man heads off to bed, he makes sure his spouse’s phone and his kids’ electronic devices are charging for the night.
Before the real man heads off to bed, he makes sure the home is secure, and that he’s clean and ready to make love to his wife. He doesn’t worry about his kids’ electronic devices, because they need to learn the responsibility of taking care of themselves. He knows he won’t always be around to do it.
7. The modern man buys only regular colas, like Coke or Dr Pepper. If you walk into his house looking for a Mountain Dew, he’ll show you the door.
The real man buys only whatever the f*ck kind of cola that he thinks tastes good, plus some Mountain Dew for his buddy who likes Dale Earnhardt, Jr, and a nice variety of other soft drinks for his guests. Plus some liquor to mix in.
8. The modern man uses the proper names for things. For example, he’ll say “helicopter,” not “chopper” like some gauche simpleton.
The real man uses the proper names for things. For example, he’ll say “pathetic beta male,” not “modern man” like some pretentious douchebag.
9. Having a daughter makes the modern man more of a complete person. He learns new stuff every day.
Having a daughter makes the real man happy that he has children. Just like having a son does. Though he does hope and pray that his daughter doesn’t grow up to marry a
modern man pathetic beta male.
10. The modern man makes sure the dishes on the rack have dried completely before putting them away.
The real man makes sure the household can afford a dishwasher and lets it take care of drying and sterilizing the dishes.
11. The modern man has never “pinned” a tweet, and he never will.
The real man doesn’t do anything stupid on social media, including putting pointless sh!t about his life on Twitter all the time.
12. The modern man checks the status of his Irish Spring bar before jumping in for a wash. Too small, it gets swapped out.
The real man washes his body with whatever is available, including shampoo if he has to. If he has room next to the bathtub, he makes sure fresh toiletries can be reached without getting out. He certainly doesn’t get anal about something as trivially stupid as whether the soap bar is too small.
13. The modern man listens to Wu-Tang at least once a week.
The real man doesn’t give a f*ck about Wu-Tang or any other flavor-of-the-month piece of sh!t rap artist. He’s got a music collection that has decent stuff from Mozart to Pink Floyd to Taylor Swift. Plus some eighties stuff to play during parties for dancing.
14. The modern man still jots down his grocery list on a piece of scratch paper. The market is no place for his face to be buried in the phone.
The real man jots down his grocery list on paper or phone, whichever he’s more comfortable with. He knows enough to stop and step aside if he needs to look at his phone while shopping so he doesn’t run into anything. Which he will probably need to do because he’ll likely have to text his wife for details or clarifications while he’s shopping.
15. The modern man has hardwood flooring. His children can detect his mood from the stamp of his Kenneth Cole oxfords.
The real man sometimes has hardwood flooring because it’s nice looking and easy to keep clean. But he doesn’t stomp through the house on it, because he has better control over himself that that. His children can detect his mood because he tells them when he doesn’t feel well.
16. The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a chance to get away.
The real man make sure his house is secure enough that he’ll know about an intruder long before it gets to the bedroom door. That means he can sleep on either side of the bed his wife wants him to. If an intruder gets in, he will either shoot them or take them apart, so that his wife will be protected. Though, for some wives, he will make sure he’s clear of her field of fire so they can both shoot the intruder.
17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?
Does the real man have a melon baller? Who the f*ck cares? Hell, he probably doesn’t even know what one looks like.
18. The modern man has thought seriously about buying a shoehorn.
The real man has thought seriously about buying a motorcycle.
19. The modern man buys fresh flowers more to surprise his wife than to say he is sorry.
The real man buys fresh flowers anytime he wants to tell his wife he loves her.
20. On occasion, the modern man is the little spoon. Some nights, when he is feeling down or vulnerable, he needs an emotional and physical shield.
On occasion, the real man is the little spoon because the human body needs to shift around during sleep. If he is feeling down, he is either quiet about it until he feels better, or tells his wife what he is feeling down about so they can confront it together. If needed, she then holds him as a wife should when he needs her support – face to face with their arms around each other.
21. The modern man doesn’t scold his daughter when she sneezes while eating an apple doughnut, even if the pieces fly everywhere.
The real man doesn’t scold his daughter for anything accidental. Though he does teach her good manners.
22. The modern man still ambles half-naked down his driveway each morning to scoop up a crisp newspaper.
The real man is smart enough to know that newspapers have become too biased and unreliable to waste time on. Unless he’s house training a dog or wrapping dishes to move, he has no use for one, crisp or otherwise.
23. The modern man has all of Michael Mann’s films on Blu-ray (or whatever the highest quality thing is at the time).
The real man knows that everyone has their own movie favorites, and that Michael Mann is just one more mid-level filmmaker. But he owns a Blu-ray of Die Hard and at least one Cary Grant movie.
24. The modern man doesn’t get hung up on his phone’s battery percentage. If it needs to run flat, so be it.
The real man doesn’t talk, text, or browse so damn much on the phone that it goes dead every other day.
25. The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn’t own one, and he never will.
The real man knows that a gun is a tool for killing things that need killing, and that the world unfortunately holds a lot of those things. Depending on where he lives, he probably owns several of them.
26. The modern man cries. He cries often.
The real man cries sometimes. But he’s not proud of it.
27. People aren’t sure if the modern man is a good dancer or not. That is, until the D.J. plays his jam and he goes out there and puts on a clinic.
People aren’t sure if the real man is a good dancer or not. Because he doesn’t really give a f*ck if he’s a good dancer – he just goes out on the dance floor with his wife and has a good time.
I realize this guy just put out his list to get his name in print and try to excuse his pathetic beta maleness. Still, the fact that he thinks any of this is laudable even in jest shows how far some men have sunk in being ashamed of their own masculinity.
I suggest that the real test would be to run the above past a few hundred women who had been out of college at least five years. Let them decide whether they want a “modern man” or a real man. I know which way I think the results would go.
***Update 6 June 2015 9:15AM CST***
I’ve added additional options suggested by survey takers. I particularly like “Do you have a public restroom?”
You can’t make this stuff up. It is a story that the Onion should be writing, but instead, we see it in the LA Times. You’ve read about the new $15 minimum wage the city is imposing on employers? And you’ve also likely heard that unions were big backers of its imposition.
Well, now that the new minimum wage has passed, guess who wants an exemption?
Labor leaders, who were among the strongest supporters of the citywide minimum wage increase approved last week by the Los Angeles City Council, are advocating last-minute changes to the law that could create an exemption for companies with unionized workforces.
The push to include an exception to the mandated wage increase for companies that let their employees collectively bargain was the latest unexpected detour as the city nears approval of its landmark legislation to raise the minimum wage to $15 an hour by 2020.
For much of the past eight months, labor activists have argued against special considerations for business owners, such as restaurateurs, who said they would have trouble complying with the mandated pay increase.
But Rusty Hicks, who heads the county Federation of Labor and helps lead the Raise the Wage coalition, said Tuesday night that companies with workers represented by unions should have leeway to negotiate a wage below that mandated by the law.
Have you got that last part? Unions should have the leeway to negotiate a wage below the mandated minimum wage.
“With a collective bargaining agreement, a business owner and the employees negotiate an agreement that works for them both. The agreement allows each party to prioritize what is important to them,” Hicks said in a statement. “This provision gives the parties the option, the freedom, to negotiate that agreement. And that is a good thing.”
Apparently only unions can do that sort of negotiation. The other dumb proles out there in fast food land, for instance, need the benevolent hand of government to mandate them out of a job.
The irony of that union boob’s statement is classic. Other than the minimum wage law, what would stand in the way of any business and any employee from doing that routinely on their own? Oh, yeah, nothing … well, except that absurd law, now.
But you have to hand it too the unions for having the absolute big brass ones to put this out there. They recognize the win-win nature of those sorts of negotiations – negotiations that in a free country would be unhampered by government interference. But they want to limit them … to themselves.
They also want a little political payback and a decided advantage when competing against non-unionized companies who might bid on jobs they want.
Big. Brassy. Bold.
And they don’t even try to hide it anymore.
A few items caught my eye yesterday:
Immigration is seriously worried about the Chinese coming to the US to have kids to get them the American Citizenship prize. Called Birth Tourism, apparently it’s bad and wrong and the US government wants to stop it. Seems these people buy plane tickets, rent hotels, have their kids and go back to China, where after some number of decades their child might return to the US for, among other things, the education. I’m not sure how I feel about all that, but I do observe they are playing by the stupid rules we’ve established that being a foreign national and having a kid in the US makes the kid a citizen and entitles their parents to come along for the ride. And they seem to be doing it through perfectly legitimate, even trackable means too.
The Chinese may be getting screwed on this deal. California being California there’s no guarantee that 17 years of so from now they won’t pass a law saying Californians are obligated to educate everyone in China anyway, because that’s how they seem to roll out there on the high powered left coast.
It’s an interesting insight that so many Chinese would like to be Americans isn’t it? Well, at least in the current currency of American citizenship which the Obama Administration is working so diligently to debase these days.
Imagine, some of them are defrauding the hospitals! Well! Thank heavens everyone else who staggers across the borders illegally and avails themselves of our services makes sure they settle all their hospital bills right?
and these Chinese people, they lie!
“These people were told to lie, how to lie, so that their motives for coming to the U.S. wouldn’t be questioned,” Claude Arnold, a special agent with Immigration and Customs Enforcement, told the Associated Press.
this must be as opposed to not even bothering to have to lie and just crossing the Rio Grande or the desert someplace between San Diego and El Centro where you get scooped up and processed at a “detention facility” before you are flown or bused by the government to the city of your choice in the US.
What makes me go hmmmmm is the curious fact that our government, nay, our very President, has encouraged tens of thousands of Mexican and Central Americans to sneak into the country, and is intent on making all of them citizens right now, well, certainly trying to get the job done by the 2016 election, when of course they won’t vote for Republican candidates. There’s no point in beating around the Obama here and pretending that’s not the plan going forward. I’m trying to figure out why the usual host of Raul Gravilja’s and Luis Gutierrez’s aren’t out there doing their best to protect these Asian-American citizens in the making!
I guess it’s not all illegals, I’m sorry, undocumented (though technically, they ARE documented aren’t they) immigrants that Raul and Luis and Barack are fighting for.
I don’t know who the Asians pissed off, maybe they didn’t properly celebrate Thanksgiving in 2014.
While I’m thinking on it, stray thought as it were, with respect to McQ’s post the other day on Nanny State, I wonder if CPS in various locales are investigating all those families that let their kids wander into the country without their parents during 2014.
Is it worse to let your kid wander half a mile from school to the house, or across the Rio Grande from Mexico to Texas? Duh, school to the house, hands down.
Another bit of news was..
It turns out according to the prosecution in the Boston Marathon bombing that Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was an Islamic holy warrior.
Federal prosecutor William Weinreb took charge of presenting the first profile of Tsarnaev to the jury, stating that the accused had “had murder in his heart” and had wanted to kill Americans.
“He believed that he was a soldier in a holy war against Americans,” Weinreb said. “He also believed that by winning that victory, he had taken a step toward reaching paradise.”
Tsarnaev also thought that the U.S. government was the enemy of the Muslim people,” Weireb added.
Or, he thought he was a holy warrior, for Islam.
See, that’s just silly, the jury should disregard that allegation from the getgo, because it’s just not possible according to the White House and State Department and numerous other executive agencies. There had to be something else that motivated him, like anger about marathons or something. After all, in the closing of the trial of Major Nidal Hasan, the Army prosecutor said it wasn’t about religion, it’s wrong and un-supportive to tie his actions to religion. So why would the Federal prosecutor in Boston start out by explaining the perp thought he was a holy warrior fighting for Islam against Americans? That just doesn’t make sense. There’s no tie to Islam here!
If those ‘committing the crime’ delusionaly think it’s for Islam, it doesn’t matter what they think. If we decide that’s not why they’re doing it then that’s not why they did it. That’s been made pretty clear in the Fort Hood massacre, the case where the solider was decapitated in England, the beheading in Oklahoma, the Charlie Hebdo massacre, or the coffee shop attack in Sydney, or the one in Copenhagen. And that whole ISIS isn’t Islam thing too. The Crusades!
I’m not sure what the Federal prosecutor is trying to say, or prove here. I hope someone from the West Wing gives him a call and tells him to knock that crap off. I could better understand if it were being done by a prosecutor working for the whackjob rightwing citizens of the city of Boston, those redneck morons, but a Federal prosecutor?
If he’s not careful and keeps making these links to Islam then there could be a mistrial or it might fuel people’s intolerance. They might start getting irritated and commit hate-crimes like drawing cartoons of the prophet or saying there’s a link between Islam and radical terrorism (as opposed to just plain old conventional terrorism).
Almost last and not least, not to tell the Supreme Court justices how to do their jobs and all, but does it matter more how much damage is done to the country when an unconstitutional law is allowed to stand or how much economic damage is done if it is determined to be against the Constitution?
So these discussions yesterday about Obamacare death spirals and all, do I misunderstand the principle such that the Supreme Court determinations should be based on the damage done if we find something isn’t Constitutional and we can and must excuse bad law if it’s going to cause economic hardship above some arbitrarily determined point?
Oh well, clearly if it’s going to economic hardship we should just let the law stand as currently interpreted by his Highness, because well, it would hurt to undo the thing now. Besides His Majesty can probably fix it with an executive extension or rescission or action or something to get around whatever silly argument is being made that the legislation as written and intended, shouldn’t be taken verbatim in THAT particular portion. All the other things the legislation said should be taken at absolute face value until the King changes what he wants them to mean, but the wording in the part about State exchanges should be considered fungible because it might hurt to undo it.
I wanted to mention the Republican’s brave stand in refusing funding for the 14% of DHS that isn’t mandatorily funded but that is probably just to much hmmmmmm for one day right?
Tonight there was a hashtag game on Twitter called “Explain a Film Plot Badly”. I thought I would play the game for a while, but I think I got a bit carried away. Here are my entries to the game. How many of these movies do you recognize?
An ex-Marine officer returns home and takes over the family business started by his Italian immigrant father.
A private eye is confused by an attractive woman and her sister/daughter.
A young farm boy learns about religion, kisses his sister, joins an insurgent group, and blows up a military base.
A bar owner in Morocco befriends a local policeman.
A Kansas firm girl dreams about a magical land after being injured in inclement weather.
A rich media mogul remembers his favorite sled.
A stranded alien becomes addicted to candy.
A prize fighter suspects his brother may have slept with his wife.
A British and Turkish officer have a brief sexual encounter in WWI.
An inmate has fun causing hijinks at an asylum.
A former Nazi scientist figures out a plan to legalize polygamy.
Astronauts find a black box left by aliens long ago. Hilarity ensues.
An ex-nun sings about everything.
Military doctors drink and perform surgery in tents.
A big fish ruins everyone’s summer.
A UCLA archaeologist ignores international treaties about antiquities.
A murderous lunatic enjoys cannibalism and legumes.
A black Philadelphia police detective solves crime and racism in Mississippi.
Wyatt and Billy sell cocaine, ride motorcycles, and irritate rednecks.
A poor Irishman meets a nice girl, but dies in a boating accident.
Bruce Willis dies, then counsels a troubled youth.
An NYPD detective learns that Frenchmen have the best smack.
A bible-quoting gangster retrieves an important briefcase, then interrupts a robbery in a diner.
A concentration camp prisoner discovers which child she loves the best.
A Jewish chariot racer takes baths with hunky Roman men.
Private Ryan is sent home after a family tragedy.
A murderer practices accountancy in prison.
A rich vigilante dresses up like an animal and drives a cool car.
Twelve disgruntled jurors talk things out.
A man and his imaginary friend form a club they never talk about.
Little people travel with a piece of jewelry, have adventures.
A man goes into people’s dreams and learns stuff, and thinks about his hot ex-wife. Or maybe it’s just a dream.
A half-Irish, half-Italian man becomes involved with organized crime, then tells cops how fun it was.
A police detective looks into a box and makes an unfortunate find.
A man wishes he had never been born. His wish is granted, and his little town becomes way more fun.
Lunatic hotelier has unhealthily fond memories of his mother.
A federal agent investigates a baseball-loving bootlegger.
A magical black man heals a wounded rodent, but is electrocuted.
A starship crew encounters an alien who kills all the unattractive crew members.
A milk-loving British thug receives therapy.
The English make a Scottish rebel pay for his violent hijinks.
A mentally disabled man befriends the daughter of an idealistic, widowed, southern lawyer.
Con men rob a gangster and then get shot. But not really.
A Cuban immigrant snorts cocaine then introduces rivals to his small acquaintance.
Adolf Hitler yells and dies in German.
A British officer is held prisoner by the Japanese, and builds the best bridge ever.
A LA policeman kills robots, then has sex with one.
A hippie bowler has sex with a rich woman, meets a pornographer, and has his carpet soiled by nihilists.
Ratty-looking Formula 1 driver has a bad crash, but races again.
An African hotelier in Kigali, Rwanda, is disturbed by local events.
A math professor becomes paranoid, but gains an imaginary friend.
Antarctic researchers find an alien with a talent for mimicry.
Unattractive Persians kill hunky Spartans in a disturbingly homoerotic war.
A man is reacquainted with his childhood sweetheart, while his Hispanic friend investigates his father’s murder.
Unscrupulous petroleum magnate drinks other people’s milkshakes.
An Irish hit man travels to Belgium, is unimpressed by Bruges.
Jason Bourne loses his memory, then falls for a quirky German girl.
A girl learns how to box, then dies.
An Indian leader preaches pacifism, but, ironically, is shot.
A young man volunteers to serve in Vietnam, which is more unpleasant than he expected.
A hotel caretaker spends the winter writing an extremely repetitious book, and using cutlery.
Undercover cop gets shot while participating in a robbery. He’s told he’s “gonna be okay” but isn’t.
A mob-connected gambler runs a casino in Vegas, while hosting a bad TV show, then has serious car trouble.
Image Credit: The Hollywood sign image was originally posted to Flickr by Sörn at http://flickr.com/photos/34065722@N00/1151601662, licensed under the terms of the cc-by-sa-2.0. Post originally posted at DaleFranks.Com.
During my usual effort to get good and stressed before sunrise, I was reading the news this morning –
President campaigns for Health Care Enrollment
Where I came across this photo, which I proceeded to doctor and make mock of. I thought it was from the White House Easter Egg ceremony of 2014 – and then found out it was from 2009.
Hardly current. Buggers.
I wandered back to the real 2014 gallery to find some others. Maybe there was another photo that my hostile imagination could play with.
Who needs to play with things when the real thing is so much more entertaining.
The real White House egg hunt photos from 2014. Step right up, this is the real thing folks, accept no substitutes.
So now we can all try and figure out what kind of people think this is funny enough to make part of the National history of what should be a lighthearted thing for kids.
Here’s the caption “Our heavily armed snipers are dressed in kid-friendly bunny attire”.
Oh, ha ha ha. You kidders, your heavily armed snipers are kid friendly heavily armed snipers.
This made me to wonder if we’ve ever lightheartedly made jokes about needing snipers on the White House roof before.
The gallery of previous years, even post 9/11, seem remarkably short of references of this kind. You know, no cute photos of MANPAD equipped agents dressed as Harvey the Pooka who will magic Easter Jihadi’s out of the air (to cascade down in flaming bits over the streets and buildings of the capital, but I digress while expressing thanks that I have neither the job of pulling the trigger or the job of giving the command to do so…).
But the real prize for this year goes to this one -with the caption – “Colorful Easter eggs are tossed off the White House roof at special targets below.”
Given the death from above philosophy I think this humor a little macabre as well.
How about some nice photo shots of the kids and people at the parties as we did in previous administrations? No?
Readers can feel free to tell me to “lighten up Francis,” I won’t mind.
If it were new behavior from this administration, I’d just think it was a little weird. As it is, I’ve come to accept this kind of thing as fairly normal.
That is to say, bizarre.
If you’re at all inclined to go look you might want to do so before some adult becomes aware and sanity takes hold and they clean this, yet another, clueless, tone deaf, gawdawful mess up.
UPDATE – 2014-04-21 – 15:00 Central Time
😯 If you go to the White House web page I linked to, you’ll see a bunch of little eggs floating around the screen, and…..a fly. A fly? A fly walking around the screen?
The Easter Fly? Is this some tradition I don’t know about?
Does someone need to remind these people this is the White House or what? The Residence of the President of the United States of America…
Yeah yeah, I know, lighten up Francis.
There’s a lot of internetness going on over Jay Carney and the choice of posters in his kitchen.
Priorities people….but what the hell, it’s Sunday morning and I’m not cranky yet. Maybe I will be when I’m done .
Apart from the choice of Soviet Era posters that Joe Stalin may have had the originals of in his garage or basement pool room let’s take a visual tour of the rest of the place.
First let us note, admire, and praise the skill of his son flipping that egg, and timing it all so his sister can point at it at precisely the right instant for the camera. Come on people, that’s pretty awesome. How many of you have TRIED to flip an egg in the pan? That boy got some serious hang time there, and I have to assume it’s still going up because the egg hasn’t even rotated over yet. AND I want to be there when that still runny yoke smacks into the pan from that height as Newton’s laws do their thing when it comes back down. Ah, good times, good times…..
Second, I hope the Carneys (Given this photo, can I spell it Carnies? That joke never runs out does it.) enjoy the repast they’ve laid out. When Michelle gets wind of the sugar laden carbo loaded feast for two dozen that the four (I’ve allowed for the photographer) are about to settle down to she’s going to have words with Jimbo about healthy diets.
Food to the left of them,
food to the, uh, even further left of them,
food behind them.
Stacked and plated,
sliced up with special care,
boldly it sits, all there,
gather ye world, and stare.
No spot on the counter bare,
none of them have bed hair,
displaying their hominess flair,
the family of Carney.
Let’s see – nice plate of butter sticks, looks to be about two pounds, poached eggs in cups, bananas just in the left of the frame, blueberries strewn across the counter closing in on one infidel strawberry, sliced bread plates, a tray of bagels, stacks of muffins, stacks of Danish. I can’t tell if that’s an entire cheese cake covered with strawberries, or a massive bowl of said fruit.
Yep, life must be goooooooo-oood at the Carney house if that’s a normal breakfast layout. Maybe there’s a slew of undocumented maids off camera that will be eating after the Carney family is finished picking over this smorgasbord buffet pastry collection that wiped out the local bakeries’ stock for the morning. I’m surprised they’re all so healthy looking if that’s what they normally lay out. What about the hungry? What about the poor? That’s a lot of cash, well, for me it is, laying out in baked goods that are going to get stale before noon. I’d swear they were feeding way more than 4 people. I’ve seen local computer user group meetings where that layout would be the first go round as the vultures, uh, participants, arrived for the 8:00 am opening.
I don’t know, maybe those pastries were provided by ‘green’ bakers looking to schmooze Jay so he’ll put in a good word with the boss for the next big payoff, I uh mean of course, stimulus package. I don’t really care what Jay does with his paycheck, that’s his business, but, dude, kinda wasteful, no? Maybe that’s just the deep down stingy Yankee in me talking. Maybe it’s the jealous guy who’s fighting off and losing against the advance of his stomach over the belt border line. Maybe I’m just a racist who resents imported possibly undocumented Danish pastry taking the jobs of American baking powder biscuits and corn muffins. I think I’m suffering class envy!
As I write this I am link hunting, and discovered Noah Rothman’s most excellent de-construction of this, and other pictures I didn’t know existed. I’ll leave this to Mr. Rothman now, read his piece. I can’t top his, but I am encouraged to see several of the observations he made were ones I made myself.
Where I was going anyway was what disturbs me, and still does despite Rothman’s wonderful take down is that THIS is what it takes to piss people off. THIS is what we talk about around the table, at the water cooler, wherever. We’re not pissed enough that they might be listening in to our phone calls and reading our emails and accessing our computers. We’re not angry enough that they’re ignoring, inventing and mis-enforcing the laws, that they’re using executive branch agencies to clamp down on every conceivable corner of our way of life while they plot new ways to stuff us in neat little demographic pens. Where they can pander and feed and water and house us while they whip up our anger against the people two pens down because they have a bigger pen than we do. They give us a new ball to keep an eye on in a never ending shell game while they pick our pockets and divide us for their own ends.
We riot over whether or not our team loses in the NCAA, heck, we may riot if they win. We worry and grouse, and demand action against “the rich”, without stopping to wonder whether or not we’re ‘rich’ to the guy on the other side of the tracks.
Especially pernicious is their use of race to deflect and divert justifiable criticism of their policies as they work to divide us. Focusing on what makes us different while claiming they want us to embrace and accept everyone in harmony.
Based on the photos, with the exception of the posters (kinda scary really) I guess they want us to judge people based on the content of their kitchen.
Here we are.
Quick hits on the last day you have, had, might have had, to sign up for your ObamaCare insurance. Curiously a rush of people appeared to sign up that I predict the Administration will report will carry them over the 7 million
lost policies, log ons , applications, enrollments payed policy holder goal line. If anyone can recall 7 million was the original goal when this benevolent plan to help the uninsured portion of the population of the United States started. We should overlook the percentages of likely to use older and less healthy participants versus the younger will pay and never use participants and the predicted cost curves and such. If you have a plan and don’t like what they’re offering they promise you can keep your plan. Ha! Fooled you! It’s okay though, your old plan sucked whatever it was and whether you thought it did nor not.
There’s a rumble of war in the east, the Russians will, they won’t, they can’t because we stood up to them, occupy Ukraine, or eastern Ukraine, and will maybe go so far as to establish casino dominance in the Crimea. Take that Winstar Casino! But Putin is now in a box owing to the stringent actions of the EU and the US to contain his aggressive ADHD driven tendencies. And owing to
the President’s our ever watchful eye we have Putin’s army where we want it now.
At the pump gas prices are consistently higher over time under the current administration than the previous administration. But not the highest single spike and that’s what’s important. We can assume the personal finances of the President are secure as it was a well documented fact during the Bush administration that upticks in gas prices are the result of the President’s holdings in oil companies and his desire to make sure his retirement fund is well padded. Harry Reid said that when they rose under Bush, or someone said they heard Harry Reid say someone said that. Meanwhile in another energy independent decisive policy act the President is going to render a decision on the job creating, oil providing, Keystone pipeline at any moment. If you click on those links, you might want to jot down the dates on the articles for reference and hilarity. Continued samples of the brilliant ultra decisive actions we’ve come to expect from this President.
Environmentally the administration is rolling out a new plan to deal with global warming. It’s likely this plan will establish policies to deal with dangers such as earth quakes, meteor strikes, comets and other ill portents all suspected to be linked to man made catastrophic global warming by the consensus science community. Officially known as the
American Economy Wrecking plan Climate Action Plan, they should consider calling it Obamafarts as a sort of short catchy handle that will appeal to the millenials almost as much as Pajama Boy did.
Speaking of American youth, they continued this last weekend to demonstrate their anger over being spied on, lied to and future taxed into oblivion by focusing on what’s important the same way the President uses his laser like focus to solve the country’s problems. Such a trend could, in as little as 300 years, lead to as broad a nationwide protest to the current government policies as was seen in the 60’s and 70’s during America’s involvement in Vietnam, though the former Soviet Union would need to rise up again and send us more campus agitators.
Finally the President’s 4 point approach to deal with America’s immigration problem is showing very positive signs in at least 2 of the 4 parts. Coupled with his crack down on companies that hire illegals, it was shown over the weekend by an independent study of ICE’s activities that the President can safely add the title “Deporter in Chief” to his list of accomplishments. We’re calling this latest ‘by Presidential order’ approach the “Catch and Release” mandate. It’s thought highly likely that once the mid-term elections are over the Administration (and the Republicans) will step up their efforts on part 3, “Streamlining Immigration” by declaring any individuals, living or deceased, in the continental US, it’s states, or territories on Jan 1st 2015 be recognized officially as American citizens. The President may extend the deadline to January 15th 2015 for those who thought about coming to the US, but couldn’t make it before the cutoff date.
Have a great day America.
UPDATE – April 1st
As my two Great Danes could have predicted – “With daily volumes continuing to surge, analysts believe the final tally could approach or even exceed an original goal of 7 million”
Now, don’t let the fact that the system was down for a good portion of the day deceive you. This “surprising” come back was destined, written, fated, according to prophecy, etc.
I wish the numbers in my checking account were as flexible as the numbers used by the Obama Administration.
I thought I’d, you know, take a tour of QandO. A real tour, of things I might use more than once every year, because prior to this my ramblings seldom needed any kind of links or documentation. That being the case I can report I’ve poked around in the wardrobes, steamer trunks and closets here back stage, and God help them they’ve given me access to all kinds of things.
While I was puttering around in the right hand column, I noticed ‘resources’ (“which”, says the narrator in my head “he’s seen and even used before but didn’t bother to make note of….”).
Bottom of that list….”White House”. Yep. The White House. I stopped trying to learn about QandO and clicked it. Attention span of a gnat I swear.
The White House.
I was greeted by the count-down clock for the destruction of the world, err, I mean the amount of time people have left to enroll in the mandatory health care system before the deadline is arbitrarily extend by the President on the afternoon of March 30th because not enough people will have enrolled. We may only need another 15% of the country to sign up anyway. What’s that you say?
Slightly down the page there’s a tab – Engage and Connect – Opening the doors to the White House. Where it says “President Obama is committed to making this the most open and participatory administration in history.” That brought forth a friendly chuckle, and I had to know more. Ah, that zany transparency thing again, such kidders. Now I would learn how I could participate. Clicking on the link, I saw two more links under ‘participate’ – “We are a nation of immigrants” and “Speak out in support of Health Care Reform”. Apparently we are not asked to participate if we want to speak out against Health Care Reform, that isn’t particularly surprising, but I thought showhow it might be helpful to mention it here.
I clicked We are a nation of immigrants. They generously offered to let me give them my own immigrant story, which they can probably get from the NSA or FBI or my sister’s ancestry.com account, so I declined to give it to them again to avoid duplication. A link says the President is committed to common-sense reform that fixes our broken immigration system. Have you ever noticed it’s always going to be a common-sense reform? Phew, I thought he was for some crazy radical scheme like handing out citizenship to 11 million or so people who snuck into the country illegally!
Now we were getting somewhere! Four points, four simple points. Border Security, Strengthening enforcement, Earned Citizenship and Streamlining Immigration.
1st point, Border Security – Beef up the borders. We now have more agents, specifically on the Canadian border. Probably to keep undocumented Canadian rodeo riders, country western singers and actors from sneaking in, though it doesn’t really say. I can’t tell how many agents…both numbers 3800 and 2200 are mentioned so maybe it’s 6000, agents now, but yeah! The site goes on to say we’ve doubled the number of agents nationwide since 2004, up to 21,000. By default, we may then assume we have more on the southern border too. No, we must assume because the numbers were a little vague. By ‘a little vague’, I mean nonexistent.
They didn’t say anything specifically about the increase of coverage on the southern border. Just that we had more boots on the ground. I presume we have people wearing the boots and didn’t just sort of scatter empty ones from Port Isabel to San Diego. Then again, it did say we’re using technologies to secure the land and maritime border. Maybe we have special sensors in empty boots that detect doctors, engineers and web programmers as they attempt to sneak in across our southern land border. They don’t mention if we have floating boot buoys at sea to keep zodiac boats full of undocumented physicists from sneaking in along the Gulf coast. Well, that was a good start anyway. I assume these are the professions of people who have already breached the border, because the Chamber of Commerce and the High Tech companies seem very keen to grant them all amnesty for their undocumented transgression, NOW.
2nd Point, Strengthening Enforcement – ah, big heading here says “Cracking down on Employers Hiring Undocumented Workers”. This deserves the copied quote:
– “It means cracking down more forcefully on businesses that knowingly hire undocumented workers…most businesses want to do the right thing… So we need to implement a national system that allows businesses to quickly and accurately verify someone’s employment status. And if they still knowingly hire undocumented workers, then we need to ramp up the penalties.”
President Barack Obama, January 29, 2013
Apparently we need a national system to check you out Ivan Ivanovitch, when you apply for a job, to make sure you’re here legally. It needs to be a national database. Fraud resistant tamper proof identification, which of course won’t be used for you to vote in elections, that would be wrong to disenfranchise you and only a racist would suggest such a thing. It will be required when you get a job at, 7-eleven, or McDonalds or Lockheed Martin or Booz Allen Hamilton. A nagging voice in my mind keeps mumbling about some national data collection thingy or other that was an overwhelming success in October of last year.
Penalties for hiring illegals will be significantly increased! Hurrah! Take that Koch brothers! Take that Mitt Romney! I don’t know that any of them hire illegals, unless Harry Reid says he heard someone say they did. All this made me wonder what weak worthless penalties we currently have in place for companies that hire illegal, I mean, undocumented, workers.
So I did a web search “penalties for illegal hiring” and the very first hit on Google says – Obama eases penalties for businesses hiring illegal immigrants.
Well, that took the wind out of my sails. Well, that and seeing them being called illegal instead of undocumented even on the White House web site.
There were 4 items listed on how we’re going to fix immigration, and when I checked just one with sources other than the White House, it proved to be, uh, like saying I could keep my insurance plan if I liked it. 25% of the plan the White House is talking about is already crap and I haven’t even finished looking at half of it yet (which means 50% of the plan I do know about is crap).
So I stopped. That was sooooo disappointing.
There’s obviously a rogue intern at work here, or a low level functionary from Cincinnati. I considered sending a note to the President so he didn’t have to find out on the 6:00 PM news on Friday that someone in his administration wasn’t on the same page he was and was making him look silly on the White House web page. He’d be very angry, no one would be angrier.
Maybe I’d have better luck with “Speak out in support of Health Care reform”
I clicked the link. Ah there’s a nice picture of the President, sitting at a kitchen table…with a bunch of people who look like Tea Partiers…and a skin-head!!! Maybe it’s just the camera angle, maybe that guy has some hair on the back of his head, maybe it’s the edge of a NAZI tattoo! Lord! Nary a Secret Service agent in sight!
And the bold caption says “85% of Americans have already benefitted from the Affordable Care Act”. 85% of YOU, because so far as I know aside from an increased tax burden and higher premiums on a slightly less generous insurance plan, that number does NOT include me.
At this point I couldn’t go further, because I was sort of afraid if I clicked any other White House site links I’d find myself in an odd room with a bottle with a little tag that said “drink me” and a cake with a note that said “eat me”.
That’s my way of telling you stay away from the White House resource link…..
At least, that’s what this New York Times Magazine cover made me think:
Here’s the side-by-side:
(If you don’t follow Internet humor trends, Annoying Orange is the star of some hit videos on YouTube. Just go there if you want to see them.)