Jeff Foxworthy would be flattered.. Posted by: McQ
on Tuesday, February 27, 2007
In a variation on Foxworthy's "you might be a redneck if ..." a satirical poem entitled "When" by reformist Saudi author and journalist Wajeha Al-Huwaider:
"When you cannot find a single garden in your city, but there is a mosque on every corner – you know that you are in an Arab country...
"When you see people living in the past with all the trappings of modernity – do not be surprised, you are in an Arab country.
"When religion has control over science – you can be sure that you are in an Arab country.
"When clerics are referred to as 'scholars' – don't be astonished, you are in an Arab country.
"When you see the ruler transformed into a demigod who never dies or relinquishes his power, and whom nobody is permitted to criticize – do not be too upset, you are in an Arab country.
"When you find that the large majority of people oppose freedom and find joy in slavery – do not be too distressed, you are in an Arab country.
"When you hear the clerics saying that democracy is heresy, but [see them] seizing every opportunity provided by democracy to grab high positions [in the government] – do not be surprised, you are in an Arab country...
"When monarchies turn into theocracies, and republics into hybrids of monarchy and republic – do not be taken aback, you are in an Arab country.
"When you find that the members of parliament are nominated [by the ruler], or else that half of them are nominated and the other half have bought their seats through bribery... – you are in an Arab country...
"When you discover that a woman is worth half of what a man is worth, or less – do not be surprised, you are in an Arab country...
"When you see that the authorities chop off a man's hand for stealing a loaf of bread or a penny, but praise and glorify those who steal billions – do not be too surprised, you are in an Arab country...
"When you are forced to worship the Creator in school and your teachers grade you for it – you can be sure that you are in an Arab country...
"When young women students are publicly flogged merely for exposing their eyes – you are in an Arab country...
"When a boy learns about menstruation and childbirth but not about his own [body] and [the changes] it undergoes in puberty – roll out your prayer mat and beseech Allah to help you deal with your crisis, for you are in an Arab country...
"When land is more important than human beings – you are in an Arab country...
"When covering the woman's head is more important than financial and administrative corruption, embezzlement, and betrayal of the homeland – do not be astonished, you are in an Arab country...
"When minorities are persecuted and oppressed, and if they demand their rights, are accused of being a fifth column or a Trojan horse – be upset, you are in an Arab country...
"When women are [seen as] house ornaments which can be replaced at any time – bemoan your fate, you are in an Arab country.
"When birth control and family planning are perceived as a Western plot – place your trust in Allah, you are in an Arab country...
"When at any time, there can be a knock on your door and you will be dragged off and buried in a dark prison – you are in an Arab country...
"When fear constantly lives in the eyes of the people – you can be certain that you are in an Arab country."
In reality, this isn't a Foxworthy rip-off but a play on something much more ancient but when I first read it I kept thinking I heard Larry the Cable Guy yelling "Git 'R Done" in arabic:
This is an allusion to the Seven Mu'allaqat, famous sixth century odes which, according to Arab legend, were hung in pre-Islamic times on the walls of the Qa'ba in Mecca.
In all seriousness, Al-Huwaider's satire pretty well hits on many of the problems "modern" Arab countries face.
