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They walk among us!
Posted by: McQ on Monday, March 05, 2007

Heh ... you may have seen these, but I love 'em (they're probably from Bill Engvall and his "Here's your sign" routine). Add your own in the comment section.

They walk among us.

I walked into a Blimpie's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free". "They're already buy-one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free". She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door.

They walk among us.

A friend of mine bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. My friend decided that people were too untrusting of this deal. It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The next day someone stole it.

They walk among us.

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where?"

They walk among us!

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."

They walk among us!!

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."

They walk among us!

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."

They Walk Among Us!

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

They Walk Among Us!

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk Among Us!

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.

They Walk Among Us!

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"

They Walk Among Us!

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces." Yep,

They Walk Among Us!

They walk among us, AND they reproduce!
 
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Previous Comments to this Post 

Comments
We don’t know obama and people will vote for him. We didn’t know Bush either and see where that got us.
They walk among us.
 
Written By: Aldo
URL: http://
LOL!

Oh, that hurt I laughed so hard.
 
Written By: McQ
URL: http://www.qando.net/blog
At a Telluride Bluegrass festival years ago (a week-long affair with bands playing all day for the last five days), a friend of my friend’s girlfriend was looking over the program and noted that "dinner break" was playing all five evenings.
 
Written By: bains
URL: http://
"dinner break" - one of my favorite bands.
 
Written By: looker
URL: http://
What was that? Trying to make the case for Obama, but tripped up by BDS Tourettes?
 
Written By: Aldo
URL: http://
Homer Simpson: "Mmmm... Leftover Salmon"
 
Written By: bains
URL: http://
Two examples of my beloved wife:

One day, she was trying to call a local store to see whether a special order she had placed arrived. She dutifully dialed the number on the top of the receipt, but it was busy. She repeated this about a half dozen times over the next 30 minutes, and in frustration handed me the receipt and told me to call the number.

"Sweetheart," I said, "this is our number."




Some years ago, my wife announced she was headed to the mall. I told her to keep her cell phone on in case I needed her.

"I don’t like leaving it on, just leave a voicemail," she said.

"But you never pick up your voicemails."

"That’s because I don’t know how to pick them up."

Where do you go when the conversation takes a turn like that???
 
Written By: steverino
URL: http://steverino.journalspace.com/
this post was funny the first time I read it several months ago.
 
Written By: piscivorous
URL: http://
Trying to make the case for Obama, but tripped up by BDS Tourettes?
Yep.
A sample of the sort of rational decision making process utilized by ’some’ people at election time.
Where do you go when the conversation takes a turn like that???
I generally go to lunch with my sons and we have a chuckle (and one of them usually helps out and brings up the stupid things I’ve said or done sometime during dessert just to keep me humble).
 
Written By: looker
URL: http://
She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don’t keep up with that stuff."
A question on the The Newlywed Game:

"In your neigborhood, which direction has the sun been rising recently?"

All the women got it wrong.
 
Written By: Don
URL: http://
"In your neigborhood, which direction has the sun been rising recently?"

All the women got it wrong.
Yeah, but we’re the ones that have to go to the grocery store with a pictorial flip book of the items we’re supposed to buy because we’re too stupid to manage it otherwise.

I’ve seen it in commercials.
 
Written By: looker
URL: http://
They walk among us, AND they reproduce!

Even worse... they can vote!
 
Written By: Jay Evans
URL: http://
It gets worse than that, Jay. Much worse.
 
Written By: Bryan Pick
URL: http://www.qando.net
Great stuff. Anyone who watches “Jaywalking” on Leno’s show gets a great view of the shallow end of the gene pool. Not only do they reproduce and vote, many are in Congress.
 
Written By: James E. Fish
URL: http://
My favorite is the cashier at Home Depot. I was paying for a door I’d special ordered that cost about $80, plus about $20 worth of bathroom fixtures. She didn’t know how to make her register pull up the special order, so while she waited for her trainer to come, she helpfully whipped out a calculator and added up my total, which came to about $150. When I asked her if she was sure that was the right total, she showed me the calculator.

I knew those degrees in math would come in handy sometime...
 
Written By: Wacky Hermit
URL: http://organicbabyfarm.blogspot.com
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
Ah, who is the bigger fool? The cashier, or the guy who didn’t immediately turn around and grab another 8 cases of beer?
 
Written By: The Unabrewer
URL: http://unabrewer.com


Then again, 49% of the people in the country, are below average, if you think about it.
 
Written By: Bithead
URL: http://
At a restaurant where I worked, we had (as most restaurants do) two-ounce plastic cups in which we put salad dressing for to-go items. A new hire was putting together a to-go order and asked me, "When it asks for double dressing, do we use two cups or do we put twice as much in the same container?"
 
Written By: Robby
URL: http://
Bithead, I hate to tell you, but exactly 50% of the country is below average, unless there is one person who is exactly average. Then it would be 50%-1.

Uh, yours, TDP, ml, msl, & pfpp
 
Written By: Tom Perkins
URL: http://
Then again, 49% of the people in the country, are below average, if you think about it.

Not necessary... 49% would be below the median. Median does not equal the average and average does not equal the median.
 
Written By: Jay Evans
URL: http://
Median does not equal the average and average does not equal the median.
Thare’s an awfully big sample involved to take that for granted.

But strictly, speaking, true.

Yours, TDP, ml, msl, & pfpp
 
Written By: Tom Perkins
URL: http://
McQ - Thank you for a most entertaining post. And to the commentors for keeping the post light and fun. We should do this more often!
 
Written By: SShiell
URL: http://
Once when working at a grocery store, I was coming back from break, passing by bread isle.

I was stopped by a customer, my back to the bread, and had to fight to suppress a homicidal rage upon her looking at me and asking

"Where’s the bread?"
 
Written By: Scott
URL: http://

 
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