Hugo’s Congressional "testimony" Posted by: McQ
on Tuesday, April 01, 2008
As the annual "beat up on the oil company execs" circus tours Congress for the third straight year, House Republican Leader John Boehner gives us an April Fool's version of the "testimony" of Venezuelan "oil exec" Hugo Chavez. Sometimes humor is the best answer to foolishness:
Testimony of Hugo Chavez, President of Venezuela Select Committee for Energy Independence and Global Warming Hearing on “Drilling for Answers: Oil Company Profits, Runaway Prices and the Pursuit of Alternatives”
April 1, 2008
Chairman Markey, though I was unable to attend today’s hearing in person, I hope you will accept this written testimony. More importantly, I hope you will accept my sincere ‘thank you’ for the tax breaks the new Democratic Majority provided to my state-owned oil giant, CITGO, in recent ‘energy’ legislation passed by the House of Representatives.
It is especially relieving to know that while CITGO receives these tax breaks, five other major oil companies – including American-owned companies employing thousands of working Americans – will be forced to pay higher taxes, raising energy costs on consumers in your country and endangering scores of jobs as well. Please extend my gratitude to Speaker Pelosi, Majority Leader Hoyer, Whip Clyburn, Chairman Emanuel, and everyone who played a role in scheduling this legislation for a vote in the House of Representatives.
Being a socialist dictator is a difficult – and often lonely – burden these days. As more nations move toward democracy, the number of socialist dictators in our world is declining, and we can use all the help we can get. As I seek to keep our socialist movement afloat in South America, it is comforting to know that I have such strong allies in the House Democratic Majority.
Though the American economy is struggling and families in your country are feeling the strain from rising costs for everything from food to fuel, I’m pleased the House Majority did not allow these realities to stand in the way of your admirable efforts to raise taxes on them in order to pay for more government spending and, more importantly, my own tax breaks.
Moreover, I am so grateful that you have overlooked my repeated threats to cut off Venezuelan energy supplies to your nation and my consistently cozy relationship with the Castro regime in Cuba – regardless of which Castro is in charge. To know that I will receive tax breaks not provided to my global competitors, even in spite of my radical Left-wing, authoritarian ideology, gives me great confidence in my future relationship with this Congress.
Before I conclude, I hope you will permit me to make two additional pitches for policy actions out of this Congress. First, Chairman Markey, I want to applaud the ongoing support that has reportedly been provided by at least one of your House Democratic colleagues for my Marxist brothers in the Colombian FARC – a terrorist organization I have been working closely with to expand my influence in that nation. News reports recently detailed a trip one senior House Democrat made to Colombia to force Colombian President Alvaro Uribe – an American ally – to position me as a mediator between Colombia and the FARC. As you might expect, I wholeheartedly supported that effort and strongly encourage similar meetings in the future as well.
Likewise, Mr. Chairman, I strongly encourage you to impress upon your Democratic colleagues how vital it is to my influence in South America that the Majority continues bottling up the so-called U.S.-Colombia free trade agreement. As you might expect, free trade between your nation and my neighbors in Colombia would be a sharp blow to my efforts to expand my reach throughout South America, and any assistance you can provide me in derailing the agreement would be most appreciated.
In conclusion, Mr. Chairman, though I understand not being invited to today’s politically-motivated, made-for-TV hearing on the oil industry, please know that I am ready and willing to provide whatever assistance I can to advance the House Majority’s policy goals, on energy and otherwise. I hope you will relay that message to your Democratic leadership team, and I appreciate the opportunity to thank you for your ongoing assistance to my socialist regime.
WASHINGTON (AP) — A federal judge has ordered Rep. Jim McDermott to pay House Minority Leader John Boehner more than $1 million in legal fees in a decade-long dispute over an illegally taped telephone call.
Chief Judge Thomas Hogan of the U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia ordered McDermott to pay Boehner $1.05 million in attorney’s fees and costs, plus about $40,000 in interest. McDermott, a Washington Democrat, also had to pay more than $60,000 in fines and damages, as well as nearly $600,000 in fees to his own lawyers.
McDermott said Tuesday he would not appeal the judge’s ruling.