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Whoopee, its bailout time!
Posted by: Lance on Thursday, November 13, 2008

From the comments at Financial Times:
Nov. 13 (Bloomberg) — In a surprise move today, Whoopee Cushions Inc was approved bank holding company status by the Fed to enable the company access to the recently revised TURD scheme.

Imported far-eastern whoopee cushions have decimated the domestic industry over the past two decades, leaving former giants of the industry controlling a mere 0.1% of the domestic market. Some observers point to the poor reliability and high labor costs of domestic products as a defining factor in the industry’s demise, but it appears the government are prepared to spend now and ask questions later.

Chairman and CEO, Chuck Chuckles said “It is vital that the government recognizes the role we play in the modern US economy. Whoopee Cushions Inc has been the backbone of US manufacturing for over 400 years and if we were to go under it would mean 100,000 people needing to learn new skills and find work in more productive industries. I think you will agree, that is something nobody wants to see happen”.

Finance Director Mr Magoo, 12, added “Whoopee! I’m off to structure some whoopee cushion backed securities to sell to the government at inflated prices”. At time of going to press it is not known whether the pun was intended.
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Previous Comments to this Post 

It is starting to terrify that I have to ask ’Is this satire?’ all the time instead of just once and awhile...
Written By: Adriane
URL: http://
You think it’s bad for Whoopee the market today, Northern Tissue touched a new bottom and thousands of investors were wiped clean
Written By: Steverino
URL: http://
Hey Steverino, stay away from UPS and "what can brown do for you."
Written By: tom scott
URL: http://
whoopee cushions is too big to be allowed to fail.
Written By: pedro the illegal alien
URL: http://

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